Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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