yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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