dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Randomize
