My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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