Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
