Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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