are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
