I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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