I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
