Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
