if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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