my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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