Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We had sex on a dog bed..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
