My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
