How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
