I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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