The panties match.
I'll be right there.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
