Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
