I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need to calm my uterus...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
