now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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