If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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