I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
