i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
