Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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