Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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