why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
