I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
vagina is talking i cant
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
