I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
