Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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