in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
