come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
