and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
