I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
