Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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