that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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