she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
