honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
where are you?
Hypothermia
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
