I bet he comes in French.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
