Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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