Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
