I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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