Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
