There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
