Will you blow on my dice?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
