id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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