Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
