Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
