You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
