a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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