I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize