It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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