If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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