just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
