I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
nutella sex= disaster
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize