I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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