at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sext me about skeletons
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
