textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
