I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
