Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
