so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
