the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
