like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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