i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
