Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i believe in u and ur pee
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
