Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
