break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
