Ambien. No doubt about it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
