420 ftw
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
