just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
