Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
