I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
