shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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