he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
