I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Terrible idea I love it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
