The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
